also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
