I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
