We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
