in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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