my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
