Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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