I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
