11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
