More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
