just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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