The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
