i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
