You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
