she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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