if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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