just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
