Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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