im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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