ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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