How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
