Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
