it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
