wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
ttyl tear gas
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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