How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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