fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
