I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
