i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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