they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
