look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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