Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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