oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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