My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
