...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
