I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
