It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
