Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
