Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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