my mouth tastes like poor choices
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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