so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
