I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
