Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
