fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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