Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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