btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
