I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
