Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
