Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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