I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
