i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
