i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
