I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
