i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
