I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
