My room smells like vodka and shame
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
