I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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