I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
