thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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