Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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